Admitting trauma is real is a good place to start. Far too often, Christians talk to me in therapy about feeling like they are not allowed to name their traumas or talk about them in their congregations. There can be a deep sense of shame as well as a potential fear of being seen as less devout in their faith because of this issue. Additionally, there is a tendency for church leaders to minimize their response by suggesting the individual “have faith” or “pray harder”. While those are often very well-meaning suggestions from someone who does want to help, it can feel like hurting.

The church and its leadership has to acknowledge that trauma exists, and likely many members of their congregation have either directly experienced trauma or have seen a loved one struggle through and with trauma. Next, as Christians, we have to be willing to admit our limitations. Know when to tell someone you are able or not able to listen/talk/help and practice being honest about that. Learn to listen to others without utilizing judgment or shame in your responses. Choose transparency and vulnerability when appropriate, it's okay to say you don’t know what to say or you don’t know how to make a situation better. What you want to avoid is empty platitudes. The last thing someone going through trauma wants to hear is that they are “a chosen warrior for God”, or that “God has a plan”, or that they “need to pray harder or have more faith”. The best way to be a trauma-informed congregation and leadership is through education. Read books and blogs about trauma, listen to podcasts and talk to individuals who have experienced it. 

What does it look like to pass down trauma and how do we stop it?

It looks like a few different things. It can be through using avoidance, those families who sweep everything under the rug or don’t talk about anything. Poor or no coping skills, not teaching children how to regulate emotions or manage relationships. It can look like overly sheltering children and keeping them very restricted in terms of experiences and knowledge. It can look like being unable to function and engaging in neglect or abuse due to a lack of ability to even care for oneself, let alone others. We stop it by getting help. By learning how to emotionally regulate and how to talk about real issues with safe people. 

How can the church engage with children who are experiencing trauma?

We often think of adults and their trauma, or how adults can avoid carrying the trauma on. But we have to recognize that healthy education and healthy supportive relationships early in life is a major preventative measure as well as reduces the effects trauma may have over someone’s lifetime. We stop some of the damaging generational patterns by working to equip and empower children with skills we needed before or after the trauma. By learning to admit our faults to our children in age appropriate ways and model self-regulation and making repairs in relationships. Simply put, model how to apologize, mend, and move forward in a healthier way. Access help for them such as mentors or therapy. Keep them connected to a community where they feel seen, heard and valued.